Have you ever gone to light a bottle rocket and the fuse sizzles and burns with anticipation…and then…nothing? No dramatic lift-off, no awesome bang, it’s just a dud.
That’s how I feel about my ketamine infusion 3 weeks ago. For lots of reasons, some situational, some biological, and some unknown…it simply didn’t have the same effect on my depression as previous treatments had.
I had my treatment, just like always, and then headed back home to Alabama. Within a couple of days, I knew something wasn’t right. Not only was I still in the pit—I was sliding deeper and faster than I could manage.
The week after my infusion, I slept. When I say, I slept—what I mean is that I was a complete zombie who only came out of my room to eat an occasional snack and then went back to bed. I didn’t eat normally, I didn’t shower or wash my hair, and I had no energy or motivation to do any of those things.
I talked with Christina, my therapist, on Tuesday and Thursday. She asked me why I was sleeping so much. I told her that it was easier and less permanent than killing myself.
**Insert MAJOR red flags**
I agreed to shower and wash my hair after our conversation, and I also made a promise to call my doctor and see what he recommended. My initial thoughts were…”Great. Another med change—just what I need…”
I didn’t follow through on the shower, but I did manage to make the call to my doctor, who spoke with my other doctor, who ultimately decided that I should have another ketamine infusion.
Mom and I made the LONG ASS trip to Ormond Beach and I had another infusion. I could tell almost immediately that this one was going to be different. I am now 3 days post-treatment and I feel great. Not 100%, but definitely in the mid-80’s. I am working and focusing on schoolwork again. I am able to sleep without having terrible nightmares jar me awake every few hours.
I took the blow of another nasty grade like a champ. I am back on track and able to see through a clearer lens.
I told Dr. Self that I usually gauge my depression by how intense and how frequent my suicidal thoughts are. They never really go away, but they become less loud and obnoxious.
Once again, I am thankful for my friends at the “Life is Ketaful” clinic, and for the life-giving nature of these ketamine infusions.
